Answering Machine at Mental Health Hospital

[albinjoseph]

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline."

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred
to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice
will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number
you press, no one will answer.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key
until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's
maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y &
c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the
beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss,
press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are
too busy to talk to you.

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down &
cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just screw it up.

[diannapoat]

(06-10-2008 04:22 PM)albinjoseph Wrote:  "Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline."

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred
to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice
will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number
you press, no one will answer.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key
until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's
maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y &
c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the
beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss,
press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are
too busy to talk to you.

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down &
cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just screw it up.

Hehehehe this is one funny thread!!!! I bet they don't use local numbers!!!!!!! Crazy!!!!!!

[andr83]

And what about blonde with short memory?
And what about blonde with short memory?
And what about blonde with short memory?
And what about blonde with short memory?
And what about blonde with short memory?
And what about blonde with short memory?

[hotseon]

hahaha....

---

Funny very...

[this is it]

They have answering machines there too.!!? Im sorry for all those mentally disabled in those mental hospitals..

[sandy2089]

I lile this answering machine though I don't like the last point as I'm blond.

[rayjasper0211]

and the one reading was a patient from that hospital..

just kidding!!!

[jentruma]

It is very interesting because I am having fun reading every statement of this article. Actually, in the real life, I didn't see a hospital using answering machine. You make my day complete with your joke ehehehe.

[steveA]

Thank you for the call...

opsss! thank you for the joke!

[Ravan]

i think that someone will got mad if he hear the full statements..